Eaten Anywhere Good Lately?

Yes! I have. I have been busy busy busy eating EVERYTHING and taking massive amounts of notes so that I can share with you some of my "Off the menu" recipes. Restaurant quality meals that you can whip up at home on the cheap and they are so easy! Be patient, geez. You can't rush genius like this...er...yeah.

I know I have been seriously slacking on the recipe front lately and I promise to make it up to you. I have some real treats planned for you in the coming months.  The entire month of May will be guest blogger month here at H.N.E. And in June I will be unveiling a new exciting project I've been working on! Well a few new projects, and I am so excited to share them with you. I just need some time to get everything in order and that is why I have asked some of my favorite bloggers to come "babysit" you while I am busy doing grown up stuff. Okay?

So...In no particular order I will be leaving you in the capable literary hands of:

One of my very best friends, Jenn over at  Life Behind the Uniform. Child development guru and my favorite camping buddy, Angela from Sing, Dance, Play, Learn. And last but not least, you will be hearing from my accountability partner Sumi who is going to share some diet and exercise tips with us.

 In Angela's case, she bravely embraces cooking with the children in her daycare center. As a former nanny, I can tell you this is no small feat. Angela will highlight some of the benefits of cooking with your little ones, complete with a wonderful photo recipe tutorial.

Jenn has had the opportunity to travel all over the United States as a military wife and she loves to sample the local fare just like me! She will be sharing some of her favorite foodie finds, from coast to coast.

Sumi is also a fellow foodie, but she somehow finds a way to keep herself in amazing shape. I've asked her to share some of her favorite healthy recipes and to give us some tips on getting and staying motivated with work out routines. You all know how I feel about exercise, but if she can kick my butt into gear, you know she MUST be good.

So I will leave you now, with that teaser. Visit their sites, get to know them because they will be taking care of you for the month of May. I promise, I leave you in very capable hands. And don't worry, I will be here still...lurking in the background...

;-)

Not Pregnant...Again....Finding The Silver Lining Around That One Pink Line

Since January I've taken one pregnancy test roughly every 2 1/2-3 weeks. Since I have no regular cycle I don't get that natural cue from my body (a missed period) to test. I have cut my consumption of caffeine and processed foods substantially and I am trying to stay away from booze entirely, although I have allowed a few splurges in the days after a negative pregnancy test since I have confirmation that I am in the clear...so to speak.

                            Dealing with a negative pregnancy test while TTC

I can't quite describe to you how testing day feels. It is a mix of nerves and hopes and deep pain and sadness. Obviously, we haven't gotten pregnant yet (I stopped myself just now from saying "succeeded in getting pregnant")

The rest of the day is spent feeling a mix of emotions ranging from disappointment, sadness, anger, jealousy (we just found out another of our good friends is pregnant), a twinge of relief, which then makes me feel guilty.

Yes I feel relieved after a negative test.  I feel awful admitting that! I feel like I am betraying all my fellow TTC'ers, but I have to imagine that other women may feel similarly and are, like me, afraid to admit it.

 Why do I feel relieved? I don't quite know exactly ALL the reasons but I suppose it has something to do with the fact that being pregnant will change everything! I was just talking to a dear old friend of mine, Leigh Ann, who fell pregnant a few short months after she and her boyfriend became engaged. They were blessed with an adorable baby boy, Michael, right around they were supposed to get hitched. To say he was a "surprise" baby is an understatement, but I see them now and there's just no "surprise" about it. Baby Michael was absolutely meant for Leigh Ann and Christopher, proof that destiny doesn't give a crap about your time table!

 Anyway, she and I were talking on the phone (from her brand new home! eeek!!) and she was picking my brain about hiring childcare. I listed some of the pro's and con's of all the options, from daycare to finding a quality nanny. At the end of the conversation I could just hear this big overwhelmed sort of sigh or a breath of frustration coming from her end of the phone. You could tell she just had so much to consider and it was weighing on her. It occurred to me then, that no matter how destined you are to become a parent or how amazingly good at it you will be...it's still really flippin hard! There are just so many variables to consider ...every.... single.... day, once you're a mother.

Being a parent means thinking about some other little person all day long and sometimes forgetting to eat breakfast (and lunch) because you're so busy changing diapers, washing burp cloths and trying to figure out where little Jr. is going to hang out for 12 hours when/if you go back work.

Of course I knew all of this before hand, I mean we've been trying to get pregnant for almost 6 months now and we've talked about everything we could think of for even a year before that. What schools we like, names we hate, how to convince our families to move closer etc. BUT thinking and planning are completely different than doing. Saying you'll sacrifice sleep, clean clothes and much needed grown up social time is a nice sentiment until you're going on day 11 of no sleep and all your blouses have nursing spots on them.

So, yes...when I see that damned one pink line on my pregnancy test I feel a lot of things and one of them is a little relief. I think to myself, "Alright, this sucks...BUT I guess that means a few more months of sleeping in and going on spur of the moment road trips." It's not an easy transition for me and it usually takes several hours/days of tantrums sulking and even some pints of ice cream weeping on Mikes chest.

                           Hey, did you know next week is National Infertility Awareness Week?

I want to be a mother. More than anything. As a matter of fact, Mike and I decided that in May, we will start ovulation induction meds adding a whole other dimension of stress/anxiety/hope/excitement to testing. Testing days are already the hardest days of the month for me so going forward I think it's important I learn to start looking for the silver lining. The silver lining keeps me sane. The silver lining holds me over until the next test. It reminds me that I still have a life to live, and the reason we've chosen now to try and get pregnant is because our lives are in such a great place.

I might not be pregnant yet but when I finally am pregnant I am guessing I will wish I took advantage of this pre-baby time while I still had the chance. So, here's to a quiet house, mimosa's on the back porch, sleeping in till 10 am and girls night out!

I am curious, if you're having trouble TTC, what are the days like after a negative PT for you? Can you think of some silver linings in your own situation? Please share!

"Accountability Partners" Keeping You On Track and A Low Fat Quevos Rancheros Recipe

I hate dieting...

Don't you? Forcing yourself to eat like a bird in the hopes that by summer time you will be frolicking on the beach in a two piece bathing suit looking like Carmen Electra.

You won't. I promise. Brownies are too good. And pizza can be delivered to your door faster than you can remind yourself that you're even on a diet.

So, if you're like me, and find food just too damn good to give up...you'll have to start working out more. Since discovering my fertility issues my doctor has recommended that I try and lose a little weight. Apparently losing just 10% of your body weight can increase your chances of conceiving. Of course I'll try anything so here I am, attempting to make small changes without sacrificing too much on the food front.

 I have an accountability partner encouraging me keep up with work outs and to make better food choices. She sends me text messages in the morning or the afternoon reminding me to walk my dogs. Or to play one of my work out games on the X Box Kinect and we discuss what each of us has eaten so far. Her meals, are decidedly "more healthy" compared to mine, and I hate to admit that it has forced me to take a serious look at how many calories I eat in a day.

We've been doing this for just a few weeks and I have to say it really is working. Especially on the days I get a text in the morning, knowing she is going to check back in later. I won't lie to her if I didn't exercise, and I don't want to look like a lazy kid, so I have no choice but to work out. I get honestly a real kick out of reporting back to her too, like "Yeah, I totally woke up at 5am and ran 17 miles before having half a grapefruit for breakfast, duh". Okay, that hasn't happened...YET.

 Really though,  she has been such a great motivator. I chose this particular friend, Sumi, because she is in stupid great shape and she shares her work out tips with me. She also diets, which as I've said, I hate doing... But I am realizing that I can make smallish adjustments to my favorite recipes to make them a little less naughty. Some small adjustments I've made recently are things like using turkey meat on burger night and eating a large salad with it instead of making oven fries (I missed the hell outta those fries though!) and it was surprisingly satisfying/filling. On my turkey wraps at lunch, I've started smashing up a small amount of avocado and using that as a spread instead of mayo, I've found hummus works well for this too and it's super flavorful!

One of my very favorite things to eat for breakfast is quevos rancheros, a delicious fried egg dish with enchilada sauce, cheese, beans and usually served with delicious golden brown salty greasy fried potatoes. In the version I am about to share with you, I nix most of the cheese, utilize protein rich black beans (less carbs & calories compared to pinto beans) and the egg is poached over the beans and baked in the oven instead of fried. I also got rid of the fried potatoes and tortillas all together. So what we're leaving out is: All the fat from traditionally used yellow melting cheese, oil from frying the eggs & all the carbs and fat from frying the potatoes. What we're getting: all the basic flavor components of your favorite quevos rancheros recipe, smoky, spicy creamy and indulgent!

I was pleasantly surprised at how wonderfully delicious and so similar in flavor to the naughty version this was. I'd  typically eat 2 eggs with breakfast, but I've found that when I limit myself to one egg and something more nutritious and filling like low fat yogurt and fruit, I have more energy and feel less weighed down after breakfast. Obviously, everyone's appetite is different and I know for my husband one egg would just NOT do the trick, so feel free to throw in another egg or two depending on how many people you're serving and their eyes to stomach ratio. This recipe is for one person and is made in a small sauce pan. You can do like I did and eat it right out of the pan (no I didn't...Yeah, yeah I did) or you can slide everything out of the pan onto your plate/bowl like a real sophisticated grown up. Pre-cooked black beans add to the easy nature of this dish. It comes together nice and easy making it the perfect "healthy" "go to" breakfast.

"Not So Naughty" Quevos Rancheros
(Serves One)

1/2 cup pre cooked black beans
1 large egg
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp cumin powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp white pepper
juice from half a lemon

Garnish
thinly sliced avocado
cilantro, chopped
a small sprinkling of feta cheese

Directions:

Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees.
In a small sauce pan warm cooked beans with a little of the cooking liquid. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring the beans to a gentle simmer. Crack your egg over the beans and reduce heat to low. When the whites of the egg set up slightly, place the sauce pan in the oven and bake until yolk is set. I like a runny yolk, so it took about 5 minutes. If you light a soft yolk continue on a few minutes until the outer membrane of the yolk is no longer clear.

Top with some avocado, cilantro and feta cheese. I served this with some fresh fruit one morning and with baked potato slices on another. I loved it with both (but obviously potatoes on the side was my FAVE)

I put this recipe into this calorie counter I found online and it appears this delicious "Not So Naughty" recipe including cheese and avocado clocks in at under 300 calories! If you add 1 small potato sliced up and baked in the oven (flavored with salt, pepper and lightly greased with cooking spray) And you add about 120 calories. I would stay away from the tortillas if you're really trying to cut the calories. Just one flour tortilla could add over 200 calories to your meal!

Enjoy!

Polenta Palooza Photo Shoot!

My friend Autumn is an up and coming photographer here on the Central Coast. We worked out a nice barter system where she photographs my food looking all sexy and I feed her face. It's a win win really...

Creamy Polenta with wilted greens, poached egg and spicy mayo.

This kind of food is like a HUG in a bowl for me...

Herb polenta and tomatoes in white wine 

with basil chicken sausage

Great shot! 

Now, tell me that ain't some fan-fricken-tastic

 food porn right there!

Yum!

"Make it" Link to come!!

I'll be back!

Oh dear.
I am the worst.
I am the scum of the Earth!

Ok...maybe that is a bit harsh. I am definitely in trouble though. I've left you hanging for a while and I am sorry. I'd like to say I've been too busy, but that's not entirely true. I mean, I AM busy, just not "too busy" to update. I am just lousy at keeping this thing up.

Luckily for you ;-)  I am trying to be better about this. I will be setting aside one hour a day to work on editing, uploading photos, recipes and new updates.

This is my promise to you: more entries, better pics and mouthwatering recipes!

See you soon!

<3 ed="" p="">

50-70%

...Take a deep breath Eva....

I've had this blog for few years, and I've struggled in deciding how much of our personal lives I should reveal. I value privacy, but I also appreciate the impact that sharing your struggles can have on those going through similar trials. It might help to hear from women who have gone through this, who have come out on the other end. I just know that I can't let these feelings sit and fester.

So here I am. Sitting here thinking I should just stick to the plan and post a cute story about how I've been trying to eat healthy and upload some great shots of all the lunches I've been packing for Mike and I.
But I can't really find the words and I can't really think of food right now at all. I can't concentrate on anything. It's just this endless loop replaying in my head. My doctor saying things like "you did everything right, this isn't anyone's fault." I can hear her making bad music analogies to help me understand. She is saying, "it's like your metronome is stuck and this medication can help unstick it. We think it will be an easy fix."

I am numb. I am sitting in her office feeling stupid for not understanding it was this serious and wishing so

badly that I had brought my husband. My hands are shaking, and I am choking back tears. This isn't happening. I am only 28 years old, everyone...everyone said I had plenty of time. My doctor is handing me a box of tissues. I ask about my birth control, is it to blame? She says no, that this is just my particular "body chemistry." She encourages me not to beat myself up. I'd always wished we'd started trying earlier and now I am thinking if only we went off birth control earlier...she stops me, "There's no way to know, don't do that to yourself."

She hands me my prescriptions, one for Clomid and one for something called Provera. She hands me some pamphlets that say things like "Coping with Infertility" and "Infertility Treatments." I hold them, choking back tears again, remembering that I am alone and I will have to drive myself home. I walk to my car, tears streaking down my cheek and I sit in my car for a few minutes, stunned like this.

I come home and wake my husband (who is on night shift and very groggy). I am weeping uncontrollably trying to explain what I learned at my appointment. He is confused and says he doesn't understand, he's demanding I get a second opinion. I tell him there's no need, I knew..I don't know how I knew, I just did.
I explain that the reason I haven't had a period in months isn't because we're pregnant. It's because I am not ovulating. And if I can't ovulate well...

I tell him that my doctor prescribed some medication for Ovulation Induction. If it works correctly, I should start ovulating again within 6 treatments. I know this is a silver lining, I know this isn't a death sentence but I am just so crushed. I've been living my entire life thinking that when I was ready for a baby all I had to do was go at it with my husband for a few months and then -BAM- baby time. Now I am facing a new reality. One where sex, our favorite extra curricular activity, is going to become our full time job. After I take all these pills I will have to spend the next week monitoring my ovulation and making sure that we are intimate during that short window. If we are "unsuccessful" (I am told not to use that word, but...) then we repeat the process again in a month. Women who undergo Ovulation Induction with this combination of medication have a 50-70% chance of becoming pregnant. In one hour my chances of having a baby went from 100% to maybe 70%.

Mike laid with me for a while. When the crying ceased I took to the internet to do some research on these medications. I'm not certain of what to do at this point. Obviously I want to become a mother, but where do I draw the line? There's a lot of different things for me/us to take into consideration. Certain health and moral implications of taking hormones to make my body do something it isn't doing on it's own. And there's no guarantee that the medication will work. 70% chance? 70% is a C. I feel like that's what's now branded on my uterus. A big red C-. And I feel so guilty for all those years I flip flopped on the topic of children. I keep on trying to remind myself that this isn't all she wrote, but then why does it feel like that?

....UPDATE.....

So, it's been 2 months since I first wrote this entry. I gave myself some time before posting it because things were still so fresh and I was feeling very raw, and exposed when I wrote it. I know now, after letting some time go by, that I do need to share my story. I know it because the more I talk to women about what I've gone through so far, the more they open up to me and share their own struggles. It made me realize just how common fertility issues are. Maybe there is someone out there right now who feels awfully alone and who feels confused and alone. I hope that person reads this and has the courage to go out and share their story too.

Some of the things I've heard in the last two months have ranged from extremely encouraging to incredibly discouraging. And I say that to warn other women in this position to do the research themselves. Every woman's body is different  and another persons story is NOT your story. So be careful.

I have also been so shocked by the responses of friends and family, again...ranging from totally supportive to really and truly clueless. And I can't blame the ones who don't know what to say. I didn't even know how to tell my husband. But sometimes, saying nothing is better...believe me...sometimes saying nothing is MUCH better.

People want to encourage you to "not give up" but sometimes asking a woman who is dealing with infertility to "just keep trying" can make her feel really awful. I can't describe it exactly, but if you can imagine putting your body through fertility drugs, and the emotional toll that failed attempts take on you and on your body...you might think twice about asking a woman not to give up on getting pregnant.

Currently my husband and I are weighing the pro's and con's of each of our options. I am not ready to completely accept that this is it for us. I want to give my body some time. I want to trust my body. All of this...has just been such an emotional struggle for me. I am trying to live as normally as possible, like we did before the bad news.

I know I have so much to be thankful for and I am concentrating on that. The reason we chose now to start trying, is because things are going so well. And I need to remember that when I have bad days. My life is very whole right now, I have an amazingly supportive, loving husband. Fantastic, encouraging friends and a very satisfying career. I am still healthy and in love with life, the helplessness and pain I felt the day we found out will not rule my life.

 I am comforted by all of this and I am  I know, deep down in my heart that I will still get to be a parent some day- one way or another.

Some links that have helped:

For info about Clomid & Ovulation Induction
For infertility support and resources

Where else can I get support?

Local Community Centers. In our county the local community calender has tons of information for support groups and if you're considering fostering or adopting they can point you in the right direction for getting started.
Church. First thing we did was make an appointment with our priest to walk us through some of the moral issues we felt we would face in taking fertility medication. Not really into organized religion? You could confide in your own spiritual adviser, or just someone in your life you particularly trust and look up to.
Friends. even if you don't want to talk about "it" anymore, call them up and get out of the house.
RESOLVE. aka The National Infertility Association has everything from online support groups, information on treatment options, stress management while TTC and countless resources to other organizations.
Family Family Family. Mike and I have become such a team through this. I have learned how much my husband truly wanted to start a family. Of course I knew that before, but men don't let on, as much as we might, how baldy they'd like to be daddy's. My in laws have been incredible as well. They still tell us how excited they are for us and their faith hasn't wavered. My father in law just told us over dinner this weekend, that he is behind us 100% no matter what we choose to do and that kind of unconditional support is priceless right now.

California Dreaming

A.G. Ferrari, San Francisco, CA

I am a California girl, born and raised. Lived in Southern California most of my life until about 4 years ago when Mike and I bought our home here on the Central Coast. There isn't much I don't absolutely LOVE about our State. I love the gorgeous blue coast line of the Pacific Coast Highway. I love the snow powdered mountains of Big Bear, the diversity of San Francisco and the rural back country roads in Paso Robles. But what I love the most about California is the FOOD!

Pancit and Lumpia from Broasted Chicken,
Port Hueneme , CA

This past week I visited a few friends in the Ventura County area and we made the short drive down PCH to LA and enjoyed the city for a few hours. We hit down town and Korea Town, Malibu and Pt. Hueneme. Obviously we had to EAT while we were running around! All weekend long I shamelessly gorged myself on Pancit from Broasted Chicken in Pt. Hueneme, Spicy Korean hot wings at KyoChon in LA and visited a number of Asian grocery stores up and down the 101 fwy. In short, I was in foodie heaven. 

I cannot say enough about how much I love love love ethnic foods. As much as I love the Central Coast, we are severely lacking in our selection of ethic foods. Sure, we've got some very good Mexican spots (one on every corner as a matter of fact) and a few token Chinese restaurants, but what about if what you're hankering for is a nice Curry, some Pho or Banh Mi...keep driving. I wouldn't even mind the lack of diversity in the restaurant scene IF we had ingredients for my favorite dishes at our local grocery stores, but we don't. Our last Asian foods market (that carried everything from lentils for my Indian Dal to glass noodles for my cold Vietnamese salad) closed down last year.

Tripe and Meatball Pho from Pho Super Bowl, Diamond Bar

So...whenever I am in Southern California or in the Bay Area I load my car with my Igloo cooler and a few bags of ice to transport my reaping's from my favorite different grocery stores. The Craft India Bazaar in SF is hands down my very very favorite place to visit while in the Bay Area. I could load up TWO Igloo coolers  from that place. Mike, the man of the house, loves their super sweet "donuts" packed in rose water and I love their selection of Naan breads and the rainbow array of split lentil beans.

                                                                                                 


I know many people in our little town who have migrated this way from larger cities, and like them, I have taken to making my own Ethnic food at home. So until I can get to the city again I will hold myself over with recipes like the one I am sharing with you today.

Pho. A delicious Vietnamese hot noodle soup. Pho...pronounced "Phah" by some, and I really won't get into the pronounciation too much because it can be a real hot debate. I'll just say that at every Vietnamese restaurant I go to I ask for "Phah" and they know what I am talking about,so..there.

I first had this amazing soup in Simi Valley at a place that no longer exhists. In San Luis Obispo County I can get it at one place in SLO and it is really really good there. Buuuut, I am lazy and hate driving the grade and so I have learned how to make a  humbler version of Pho. Take this recipe knowing that it is in no way a REAL or AUTHENTIC recipe. Have you ever made those little mini pizzas with your kids? The ones you make with jarred sauce on an English mufffin? Yeah, this Pho recipe is like that. Called the same thing and though you're not fooling anyone into believing it is the real thing...you eat it and it's good and your pizza cravings are thwarted until next time.

So here you go...

Ingredients:

Prepare 1 package of cellophane noodles. In a large bowl, cover cellophane noodles with very warm water, let sit until soft. Drain and set aside.

Spicy Vietnamese Meatballs

1/2 lb ground pork
1/2 lb ground beef
1 egg yolk
1 tbsp chopped Thai basil (or regular basil if you cannot find it)
2 tbsp chopped green onion
2 tbsp chopped cilantro
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 lemon, zested
siracha, a few squeezes depending on your preferred spice level
a splash of fish sauce or soy sauce

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl, allow flavors to incorporate for about an hour in the fridge. Using a small scooper or your tablespoon, spoon out your meatballs onto a greased baking sheet, I prefer a loosely shaped meatball, but if you MUST you can roll them into perfect little balls. Par cook the meatballs in your oven for about 7-9 minutes (they will finish in the broth). Set them aside until broth is complete.

Pho Broth

2 quarts of beef or chicken broth
1 inch nub of ginger, peeled
1 onion chopped
2-3 black pepper corns
2-3 star anise pods
1 jalapeno, seeded and chopped
salt and pepper to taste
a splash of fish sauce or soy sauce to taste

In a large pot with a little cooking oil, saute the ginger, jalapeno and onion until the onion is translucent, add garlic and cook until aromatic. Add your broth, pepper corns, anise, salt and pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes, if any scum or oil rises to the top, skim and discard. Bring the broth to a boil, reduce and add soy sauce or fish sauce, and the meatballs and shut off the heat. Serve over noodles immediately or gobble up as a delicious soup!

Garnishes and Assembly:

1 bunch of cilantro, chopped
2 large jalapenos, sliced thinly
1 large onion, sliced thinly
1 bunch of thai basil, chiffonade
1 cup of fresh mung beans
2 limes, sliced into wedges

Gather 4 very large soup bowls (invest in some proper Asian soup bowls!)
Using tongs (or your hands, if you're me) evenly distribute the cellophane noodles. Top your noodles with a few large ladles of the broth and meatballs. Garnish and enjoy with your favorite accoutrement, for me it's sirracha and that salty sweet sauce that goes by the name of hoison, lots of jalapeno slices and a ton of lime juice. What you should have in front of you now, is a wonderful piping hot bowl of Vietnamese comfort food. To those of you who have had Pho before, I hope this holds you over until you can make it to your favorite place again, and if you've never had it before...enjoy...and know that your life will never be the same!