TTC Update

Hey All,

Here's a very quick update on the TTC front.

In April, after doing some research and consulting with our doctor, Mike and I decided to try our first round of ovulation induction.

I started a course of clomid on May 1st. The side effects were shorter much milder than I'd anticipated (read too many horror stories online!) and I was able to continue my daily responsibilities while on the medication.

SO MUCH CHARTING!!

So, if you're not familiar with the sort of "schedule" during ovulation induction there is a lot of charting, testing and scheduling involved. If you do not get a menstrual cycle you start off with a prescription for Provera which should give you your period. Somehow, out of no where and after 6 months of no cycle I got one right before we were to start the Clomid. Fate? I sure hope so! While the side effects were certainly not as bad as I figured they'd be, I was very uncomfortable during the entire treatment. I experienced hot flashes, dry mouth, epic and I mean EPIC mood swings, and a little cramping. For me, the hot flashes were the worst of it, for Mike...it was the weeping and the whining. Poor guy.

So after a menstrual cycle you start a the Clomid on day 5. You take this until day 10 of your cycle and then check for ovulation during days 12-19. Obviously there is a lot of...ehem...intimate times during days 12-19. The point is to make a baby yes? Yes.

I was instructed to test myself for ovulation and days 12-15 all came back negative for an LH surge. It was discouraging, after all we went through during the week on Clomid, it looked like the meds weren't working.

Victory! In the form of two consecutive positive results for LH Surge. 

It was a VERY happy day on day 16 when our first test came back positive for an LH surge! Finally we get some good news! Sooo, now you can understand why I have had to be MIA this month. We are hoping for some even better news later this month so cross your fingers.

It was a long shot that the Clomid would work and yet here we are! So I am very hopeful and very excited about the future.

Thank You all for the continued support and well wishes!

5/16/2013 UPDATE: 

Had a doctors appointment yesterday to follow up after the first round of Clomid. The Dr. says everything is looking good and she was thrilled that we saw some LH Surges on the OPK. We are in the 2 week wait window now and we are a bundle of  nerves. My Dr. (Dr. P) gave us a bunch of lab paperwork just in case this round didn't work. She thinks we should get a better idea of what could be causing the Anovulation. At this point we don't really know what is going on, but now that we know I can ovulate, we need to check some other things. I am nervous because some of these tests do not, at all, sound like fun. Especially the one that checks for blockages in your Fallopian tubes...No. No thanks. Our test date (for pregnancy) is the 23rd. I appreciate ALL sorts of prayers and well wishes (the ladies on the TTC forums would say "baby dust"). 

I remain hopeful, look for an update soon,

thanks again to you all!!

Not Pregnant...Again....Finding The Silver Lining Around That One Pink Line

Since January I've taken one pregnancy test roughly every 2 1/2-3 weeks. Since I have no regular cycle I don't get that natural cue from my body (a missed period) to test. I have cut my consumption of caffeine and processed foods substantially and I am trying to stay away from booze entirely, although I have allowed a few splurges in the days after a negative pregnancy test since I have confirmation that I am in the clear...so to speak.

                            Dealing with a negative pregnancy test while TTC

I can't quite describe to you how testing day feels. It is a mix of nerves and hopes and deep pain and sadness. Obviously, we haven't gotten pregnant yet (I stopped myself just now from saying "succeeded in getting pregnant")

The rest of the day is spent feeling a mix of emotions ranging from disappointment, sadness, anger, jealousy (we just found out another of our good friends is pregnant), a twinge of relief, which then makes me feel guilty.

Yes I feel relieved after a negative test.  I feel awful admitting that! I feel like I am betraying all my fellow TTC'ers, but I have to imagine that other women may feel similarly and are, like me, afraid to admit it.

 Why do I feel relieved? I don't quite know exactly ALL the reasons but I suppose it has something to do with the fact that being pregnant will change everything! I was just talking to a dear old friend of mine, Leigh Ann, who fell pregnant a few short months after she and her boyfriend became engaged. They were blessed with an adorable baby boy, Michael, right around they were supposed to get hitched. To say he was a "surprise" baby is an understatement, but I see them now and there's just no "surprise" about it. Baby Michael was absolutely meant for Leigh Ann and Christopher, proof that destiny doesn't give a crap about your time table!

 Anyway, she and I were talking on the phone (from her brand new home! eeek!!) and she was picking my brain about hiring childcare. I listed some of the pro's and con's of all the options, from daycare to finding a quality nanny. At the end of the conversation I could just hear this big overwhelmed sort of sigh or a breath of frustration coming from her end of the phone. You could tell she just had so much to consider and it was weighing on her. It occurred to me then, that no matter how destined you are to become a parent or how amazingly good at it you will be...it's still really flippin hard! There are just so many variables to consider ...every.... single.... day, once you're a mother.

Being a parent means thinking about some other little person all day long and sometimes forgetting to eat breakfast (and lunch) because you're so busy changing diapers, washing burp cloths and trying to figure out where little Jr. is going to hang out for 12 hours when/if you go back work.

Of course I knew all of this before hand, I mean we've been trying to get pregnant for almost 6 months now and we've talked about everything we could think of for even a year before that. What schools we like, names we hate, how to convince our families to move closer etc. BUT thinking and planning are completely different than doing. Saying you'll sacrifice sleep, clean clothes and much needed grown up social time is a nice sentiment until you're going on day 11 of no sleep and all your blouses have nursing spots on them.

So, yes...when I see that damned one pink line on my pregnancy test I feel a lot of things and one of them is a little relief. I think to myself, "Alright, this sucks...BUT I guess that means a few more months of sleeping in and going on spur of the moment road trips." It's not an easy transition for me and it usually takes several hours/days of tantrums sulking and even some pints of ice cream weeping on Mikes chest.

                           Hey, did you know next week is National Infertility Awareness Week?

I want to be a mother. More than anything. As a matter of fact, Mike and I decided that in May, we will start ovulation induction meds adding a whole other dimension of stress/anxiety/hope/excitement to testing. Testing days are already the hardest days of the month for me so going forward I think it's important I learn to start looking for the silver lining. The silver lining keeps me sane. The silver lining holds me over until the next test. It reminds me that I still have a life to live, and the reason we've chosen now to try and get pregnant is because our lives are in such a great place.

I might not be pregnant yet but when I finally am pregnant I am guessing I will wish I took advantage of this pre-baby time while I still had the chance. So, here's to a quiet house, mimosa's on the back porch, sleeping in till 10 am and girls night out!

I am curious, if you're having trouble TTC, what are the days like after a negative PT for you? Can you think of some silver linings in your own situation? Please share!