Friday, February 14, 2014

12 wk Update and a look back down our long road to getting pregnant.

12 weeks!! We made it (I'm actually 12 wks and a 5 days today to be exact!).

I know nothing is promised to us, but I do feel so much better to be saying goodbye to the first trimester. I do feel a deal of relief, like we made it through the scarier times. I am very much looking forward to having more energy and slowly but surely getting my appetite back. Morning sickness has returned with the vengeance this week, leading to my doctor putting me on anti-nausea medication.

My tummy looks and feels gigantic to me, but I am certain it's all bloat as I have yet to gain even an ounce since becoming pregnant. Some symptoms that have gotten stronger and stronger each day are the most crazy/bizarre vivid dreams and terrible back aches. My body feels tense and tight all the time. I am taking lukewarm baths to help but I am in pain again as soon as I leave the tub. It's been awful. Having the morning sickness return after a nice 2 week break was totally unexpected and equally unwelcomed. I suffered through a very serious bought of dehydration that nearly landed me in the hospital because I couldn't keep anything down.

For someone who leaves and breathes to cook and eat this has been the worst pregnancy symptom, hands down. People are joking, due to the size of my bump and the resurgence of morning sickness, that there might be two babies in there. We have had 2 chances to see the baby and there was only one adorable child in there. Although I have heard stories about people discovering multiples after they'd already had an ultrasound, I rest assured that our baby is in there alone! Not that I would mind having twins (they run in my family) I just think being a new mom to one is going to be tough enough!

Before I logged on today I started thinking about what we were up to this time last year (I've done this a lot since becoming pregnant) and then a pain in my stomach reminded me...I was sitting right here, writing to all of you. Pouring my heart out 2 months after the most devastating doctors appointment of my life. I'd visited my OBGYN to get some test results read. I had been off BC and trying for a baby since August 2011 and we'd become concerned because I was not longer getting monthly periods. In short, my doctor informed me that I had a medical condition called Anovulation and while a healthy, typical woman would ovulate every month and have an opportunity every month to become pregnant, I did not. She gave me a lot of information and some options. I left her office and was immediately thrown into this new reality where I was most definitely going to need medical intervention to become pregnant.

I never thought, in that moment sitting on an exam table, that we would be rejoicing like this a  year later. Then, it felt like she was telling me I would never be a mother. That might sound dramatic, but when you live your entire adult life believing you will always have a chance and then that chance get's knocked down to 50% it is a huge adjustment.

I thank God everyday that we didn't give up. I thank God every day for the friends and family who knew and who stuck by us, encouraging us. The girls who came over and drank way too much wine with me. Who took me out and showed me how much fun there was to be had until our baby came to us. We have been so very blessed to have, what could have ruined us, ruined our marriage and destroyed our faith, actually bring us closer to each other and to the people around us. This wasn't a challenge I was looking for. This wasn't a trial I felt I needed to go through, but I cannot sit here and say that it hasn't taught me so much about love, patience and about our Lord. His ability to lift you up when you feel like you could never go on.

My child wasn't promised to me. No one ever told me there was a chance that this wouldn't happen for us. And no matter what the outcome is of this pregnancy, I have felt the miracle of life begin within me and it has increased my capacity for love. Our child has a heartbeat. Our child has a name and a room in our home. He or She is already a member of our family and we are already in love with Baby D. I hardly waited until the little blue line on my pregnancy tests were set before I told everyone. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but when this miracle has taken almost 2 years to get here I just couldn't wait!

In the end, I know that this is something my body CAN do. And that is a huge victory for us, because for a long time we really didn't know if that was possible. After all the tests, the poking and prodding, I am pregnant!

Thank you so very much for hanging in there with me. To all of you who have messaged me and cheered for me, I love you all. I couldn't have made it through all of this without you, THANK YOU! 

Sunday, February 2, 2014

11 Week Update

Well! Am I happy to be nearing the end of the first trimester.

Every day I am feeling less queasy and have more and more energy. I actually feel really bad because I know I have spent the last 3 1/2 weeks complaining about the morning sickness and exhaustion. My poor husband has come home to a whining pile of wife on the couch each night! My friends have been all but abandoned because I cannot seem to stay up passed 7:30/8:00 pm. I have, basically, been completely worthless for a month.

The turning point came last week when I got an absolutely awful cold from my kids at school (yeah, I just went back to teaching full time right when we found out about baby D). While I was sick, I found that my appetite had returned somewhat. I still couldn't stomach much meat or cook anything in oil, but I was actually hungry for the first time in a while. After the cold went away I had morning sickness again for about a day, since then I've been on the mend! When all was said and done I lost 3 pounds in the month of January.

I haven't been able to lose 3 pounds in 3 months while TRYING, really really hard. I was a little worried, but my friends and my doctor assure me this is completely normal in the first trimester, especially when you've been battling morning sickness.
11 wks, a bit bloated, but no bump yet! 

So this week we got to see Baby D again at our check up and he/she was moving all around, it was such a sight to see. I could clearly make out the little arms, which were draped above the babies head like a little gorilla. It's back was to us so we couldn't see much else, but just seeing him/her move around like that reminded me of how fast this pregnancy could go. I mean, it was only a few short weeks ago that all we could see was a little mass of cells on the screen. Now our baby has limbs and knows how to move them! That's insane to me, when did that happen?

Every single step we take on this journey has taken my breath away. I feel so many things at any given moment (did I mention that we saw some of our first pregnancy mood swings this week?) but lately all I feel is humbled. I am providing/growing/supporting life for this new human being. I am responsible for taking care of myself and nurturing this pregnancy until our baby is developed enough to meet us. This is such an incredible honor and I don't take it lightly. I am in love with that little gorilla, formerly our gummy bear, formerly our poppy seed and soon to be our first born child.
Ultrasound @ 10wks. Not much to make out but I thought I'd share it anyway!

We've elected to have some genetic testing done and I will return for an update once they are complete (in another 2 weeks or so). We MIGHT also find out the babies gender during that time so stay tuned and keep on sending me those baby girl names- so far we have NONE!

Have a great Sunday- enjoy the game and GO BRONCOS!!!