Sunday, January 12, 2014

Happy Birthday to me! Frustrations of a former food lover.

Well this was a VERY special week, not just because it was my birthday week, but because I got to see Baby D for the first time day before yesterday! I was SO nervous and kept telling myself not to get my hopes up of being able to see anything yet. But there he/she was. Just relaxing. We got to see the heart beat too, which made my skip a little. It was a wonderful day! 

We are now 8 weeks in and this tiny little baby (he/she is the size of a raspberry this week!) apparently hates food! Baby D hates the smell of food, the look of food, all parts of the kitchen that house food (like the fridge and pantry!). 

Ok, I understand the science behind morning sickness and I totally "get" that what is happening isn't Baby D's fault...but I need someone to blame this on. I mean...I am a FOODIE. Surely it's not MY body that's doing this. It's the babies. My body just does what the little womb invader tells it to.  Currently no one is allowed to cook in my home. Ever. I can smell it when I come home from work. Our friend is staying with us temporarily and he tried cooking while I was asleep and I woke up crying. Bawling that the house stunk! 

I tried browning some taco meat for Dh the other night and was ill 2 minutes into cooking and had to abandon the meal completely. My poor husband. We've been living off of frozen chicken fingers we bought from Trader Joes. Trail mix and a banana is also a safe little meal. Plain white rice, steamed potatoes and lots of water with lemon. I absolutely loathe the stench scent of coffee, cooking meat, bacon, beer, and oil/fat of any kind. This is coming from the same women who will stab someone over perfectly rendered chicken skin. 
Essentially, if I used to love it before, I hate it now. 

I am comforted by the number of people who assure me that this much morning sickness is a good sign because it could mean a strong pregnancy. I hope they are right. I know I won't always feel this miserable and I know that this is all part of what I signed up for...I've just never experienced nausea for this long in my entire life. And I am frustrated because I do feel hungry, it's just that everything sounds disgusting! 

Ah, the joys of pregnancy. Okay, I can't leave you with all this complaining...let's see... Oh! Dh bought me a belly band this week, which was way sweet of him. He'd heard me huffing and puffing trying to get my pants on all week and took it upon himself to help me out. Although I am not showing yet, the bloat of early pregnancy is no joke and regular jeans are so uncomfortable. We have settled on a name if Baby D is a boy (not sharing it just yet, sorry) but we're still working on one for a girl. Yes, that is totally an invitation to give us some suggestions. 

There are so many exciting things about early pregnancy. Learning that our baby has little joints in his/her arms and legs, and little eyelids...these things take our breath away. It's such a short amount of time and yet, it's a baby. With limbs, and a heartbeat of 144bpm! I feel much more than just morning sickness and fatigue. I feel excited, hopeful and anxious. I feel a little more complete than I did 8 weeks ago. I already feel so much love for this little thing that's still rapidly growing every week. 

I prayed and prayed for this. I dreamt about this. And this is definitely a journey I want to cherish every second of, even the unpleasant ones. 

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Happy New Year & A Quick pregnancy update

Well as I am running around, still very much in shock that this is really happening, I realized I should pop in real quick and let you all know how things are going.

I have my first prenatal check up scheduled for Monday the 6th. I would love all the well wishes and good vibes you could send our way. I spoke to my nurse practitioner on the phone this week and based off my LMP she estimated I could be about 5-6 weeks along. I'd say that's about right, I've been charting, obviously, due to the Clomid and I will let the OB know exactly when I ovulated and that should get us a much more accurate idea of how far along I am.

Christmas was amazing and all Dh's family knows now. They were thrilled and showered us with so much love, I was overwhelmed. I feel so incredibly blessed to have the kind of in-laws I have. My SIL was bawling and hugged me so hard I thought I'd pop. I've never been close to my sister and to feel that kind of love and support from someone who I am not biologically related to is indescribable.

I had to get through the last week of school (finals) while completely distracted with the knowledge that there was a tiny bundle of nerves in my body developing into our baby. I don't know how I did on finals and I don't care. LOL!

I am not feeling much yet besides total exhaustion and a little heartburn. I was able to eat everything I would normally eat for Christmas (yum!). Today I've felt a little bit more nausea type symptoms (indigestion and wooziness) and that worries me because we are hosting a big dinner party tonight. I am still holding out hope that I will be one of the luck ones who doesn't get plagued with morning sickness! Cross your fingers that's the case! (UPDATE--- That was totally NOT the case. Way to jinx myself!!)

I sleep as much as possible because I am exhausted all the time, and I am feeling really worried about how things are going to go once I am back at work full time. Actually, I am worried about pretty much everything. I worry more than pretty much anything else these days. Did I cough too hard? Am I allowed to eat this? Was that cramp normal? I feel so fragile. Like everything I do will jeopardize my pregnancy. Dh is trying to keep me calm and is doing a great job at reassuring me. The best thing I've heard so far was that if pregnancy was really all that fragile, our planet wouldn't be so overpopulated! That helped put things in perspective!

Early pregnancy is a scary time. But it's also a magical time, and I need to keep reminding myself that. Right now our baby might be the size of a poppy seed (that's it's nickname at the moment) but it's doubling and even tripling in size every week! This baby has defeated all the odds and is HERE. No matter what happens, I got pregnant and life is beginning inside of me right now. That is a beautiful thing, much much more beautiful than it is terrifying. I just need to keep repeating that to myself!

Thank you all for your support over the last year and a half. There were days I never thought we'd get here and if it hadn't been for all your love and prayers, I might have given up. We love you! Thank you so much!